To Be Dead
by FatGlamour
Summary: In a world blistering in war, there are rogue Death Eaters joining in the fragmented Order of the Phoenix's cause. The Reich's informant and the Order's mediator have a very interesting relationship, a relationship that may risk all their lives... DHr


**To Be Dead**

_**Part One**_

_**Kiss and Run Away**_

She shivered on the bench, trying in vain to wrap her scarf tighter around her neck. It was the first of July and as cold as Christmas.

Over the months, more and more Dementors had banded with Voldemort, throwing off the chains that wizards had held them with. Last summer's vague chill and mist had turned into a continual frozen rain that bathed all of Europe now. She was the only one braving the weather in the small park outside Surrey, every muggle and wizard alike knew it too dangerous to be in the icy fog come nightfall.

Her hand wrapped tighter around her wand as she scoured the tree line some many feet in front of her. She softly whispered a spell, purely out of habit than necessity as the incantation was no longer needed for the charm to work. A soft, silver light poured out like sparkling water and swirled before her, forming the small figure of her patronus. The otter wafted back and forth before her she send it away with a wave of her hand.

She heard rustling from beside her and stood, turning quickly only to see a stray dog come out from behind a hedge. She breathed in deeply and dropped her wand back to her side. The dog looked at her for a moment, sad blue eyes staring into her own. She smiled at him and held out her hand. He warily approached her but seemed to melt against her hand as she scratched behind his ears.

"What are you doing out here all alone?"

He whimpered and nudged her hand with his cold, wet nose as soon as soon as she stopped her ministrations. She huffed, amused at his antics.

"You don't have a collar and you're thin. I could almost count your ribs." Her hand moved to his side and began to scratch, laughing with one of his legs twitched involuntarily.

Then she heard it, a small snap behind her. Before she could even gasp, strong arms wound around her body, pinning her arms to her sides. A wand was quickly put up against her neck and she heard her attacker chuckle savagely behind her, his chest rumbling up against her back.

_I don't want to die… Oh, please…Somebody…_

Despair began flood her soul, and tears poured fast into her eyes and down her cheeks. She bit her lip hard between her teeth and clenched her eyes shut tight.

"You're going soft, Granger."

She struggled violently in the strong arms that were around her. With a snort, her attacker pulled away, laughing softly under his breath. She stalked away from him, anger coursing through her body and swiped roughly at the tears that still marred her cheeks.

"You are such a git, Malfoy!"

"So, I've been told…"

He smirked at the back of her slightly shaking form and sat down gracefully on the bench she had vacated.

"Really, though, Granger, I could have been anyone, Potter or the Dark Lord, himself. You really should pay attention to your surroundings. A patronus won't do much good against Death Eaters."

She turned to the side and peered at him out of the corner of her eye. His smirk turned into an almost wicked grin and he gestured to the docile canine.

"The mutt could have been an Animagus."

Hermione turned around, and just looked at the dog. His heartrending blue eyes looked back and forth between the two. He then lay down dejectedly, placed his head on his paws and whined.

"Yes, Malfoy, he's a real monster! I am so glad you came along to save me!" She snorted and crossed her arms over her chest, tears coming to her eyes again.

They stayed quiet for a while, even when the wind picked up speed and seemed almost able to freeze their breath. Draco sat still, watching her cry silently and shiver in the cold. He cursed under his breath and stood up, taking off his heavy woolen robes as he did so. Coming up behind her, he placed it around her shoulders.

"Thank you," she whispered, staring up into his slate grey eyes.

"No problem, Granger."

And again they were silent. Hermione looked down at Draco's bare forearms and her fingers traced lightly over the thin scars that laced his pale skin. "They're still there…"

Draco pulled away from her touch as if burnt and crossed his arms, glaring openly at her. "Of course, Granger, did you expect them to suddenly disappear?"

"I just needed... Never mind, Malfoy. Just give me your report and we can both be on our ways."

Suddenly his arm snaked out, hand gripping her shoulder and pulled her up against his torso. He brushed her hair back from her ear with the hand that was not holding on to her. His breath was hot on her ear when he spoke to her, whispered words of a devil's advocate.

"You needed what, Granger?"

"I don't have time for this." She pushed at his chest, trying vainly to shove him away but he held her against his body in a vice-like grip. "Malfoy, please…"

"What are you afraid of? What could the Gryffindor golden girl be afraid of?"

She tried again to force him away from her but he only pressed her tighter against him. He pressed his face into her hair, feeling her stiffen even more. He grasped her struggling form tighter with one arm while the other came up to caress her face.

"Are you afraid of me, Granger?"

"No… Of course not."

Draco smirked at the trembling in her voice. He fisted his hands in her hair and placed slight kisses along her temple down to toward her ear. He stopped and whispered to her, holding her quivering figure even tighter. "Oh, but I think you are, Granger."

"Why are you doing this to me, Malfoy?" she asked, helplessly, not even caring as she buried her face in his chest to shield it from the biting wind.

"Payback, Granger."

"For what?"

He laughed at her then. She supposed he had a right. It was a stupid question as they both knew, only too well, why they were in this position.

"It would be wonderful if Potter or Weasley – especially Weasley – came searching for you right now. It would make my day complete to see the expression on his ugly rat face."

"You're sadistic, you know that, right?" Hermione questioned – though they both knew that it was more of a statement. With a sigh, she placed her freezing hands inside his shirt, "Why do you make me remember?"

"Granger, you're hands are like ice!" he exclaimed, shivering a bit.

"Stop avoiding the subject, Draco."

He placed his chin on top of her head and rubbed his hand methodically in circles along her back, gently massaging her muscles through his cloak that she wore.

"My name sounds nice coming from you. Sexy, almost… Hermione…"

Hermione rolled her eyes, not that he could see. "You are such a git, you know."

Draco snorted. "I believe we have already had this discussion."

"I know," She whispered, fully relaxing in his arms now, eyes drifting shut lazily.

"You've not been sleeping," Draco stated, burying his face in her messy curls again and breathing in her scent. "Why not?"

"I have too been sleeping, Draco. You just worry too much."

"Don't lie to me, Granger," he growled pushing her away from him a bit so that he could see her face.

Tears, suddenly, flooded her eyes once more and he was felt guilty once more knowing he was the cause of them. She clenched her eyes shut tight and pulled him to her, as tight as he had her. Without warning to neither of them, heart wrenching sobs began to burst forth from deep within her. He held her close and said nothing, partly because he didn't know what to say and partly because he had a feeling that words really would not help anyways.

"I can't live like this, Draco!" She screamed suddenly and pounded her forehead against his chest. "I hate this war! I HATE EVERYTHING! I can't stand the secrets, the sneaking around, the lies! I can't stand the way you toy with my feelings! I'm human, Draco! I can't stand the feeling of _being in love with you_ and you can _NEVER CARE_!"

Draco did not even grimace as her nails dug into the flesh. Even despite her words, she still stood up against him, crying into his shoulder. He gripped her form as tight as he could, knowing that it was probably hurting her but also knowing that she would not really care.

After all, hurting each other seemed to be what they were best at.

"I could be killed by the horcruxes just as likely as I could be killed by _you_! I don't _want to hate you_, Draco, but loving you is _not_ very easy!"

Her words gave into silence and Draco pulled her back to look at her tear-streaked face. Her haunting mahogany eyes looked up at him, begging him to save her. Her hand, now warmed by the touch of his skin, came up to cradle his face and a sad, lonely smile came over her face.

"But I guess I have no choice, do I?"

He smirked once more at her, mischief in his face but fire in his eyes. "I not letting you go, Granger."

"Malfoys always get what they want, huh, Draco?"

One hand came up to wipe a fresh tear from her cheek. "Always…" He leaned down and his lips hovered over hers for a moment before he whispered, so low that she could barely hear him over the wind. "You've got me hypnotized, Granger."

In a split-second, her lips came up to crash onto his. He picked her up and swung her around, never letting go of them, their kiss never stopping.

After what seemed an eternity, but at the same time was much too short, they parted and stood flush up against the other breathing the same air. His forehead came to rest against hers for a moment as his fists gripped at her hair. Another tear rolled down her cheek and she raised her hands to hold his unshaven face.

"The Reich is getting anxious. The Dark Lord suspects a traitor but he's not saying who. Thus far, he hasn't gotten wind of Potter's soon-to-be trip to Godric's Hollow. The Upper Reich will be on guard the whole time but Severus warns that you should still be wary. McGonagall said it would be best if Golden Boy didn't know we'll be there.

"I'll be watching, Hermione," he whispered and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. He smirked at her one last time and brushed her cheek with the pad of his thumb. "So if Weasel makes a move, I'll know."

He pulled away from her and took a step toward the tree line before she reached out quickly to grab his hand.

"I love you, Draco…"

He tilted his head and smiled sadly, hair falling boyishly into his eyes. "I know, Granger."

He pulled his hand from hers and walked away, stuffing his freezing hands into the pockets of his slacks. As soon as he disappeared within the trees, the dog came up to her and leaned against her leg. He lifted his head, cocked it at her and whined almost questioningly. Hermione sighed, pulled Draco's robes tighter around her, breathed in his lingering scent on the fabric and walked away toward Privet Drive.

The dog looked toward the place where Draco disappeared and then back to Hermione's retreating form. He let out a bark, ran up beside her, and trotted along with her, tail wagging.


End file.
